“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.”  Proverbs 16:21

You know you should watch how you speak to your children.  Certainly it isn’t pleasant to listen to a mom who barks out orders or who yells every time she wants to get her point across.  But have you ever looked at it from the standpoint that how you come across to your children on a day to day basis may someday save them from a life or death situation?  Or at the very least, prevent them from getting hurt.

This was a new revelation to me as I was reading some other blog (I’m a blog addict, I admit).  But the point she made was phenomonal.  If our children are so used to hearing us say things in an “urgent” way, how will they know when we’re really serious about something?  For example:  if you’ve been yelling at your kids all morning to make their beds, pick up their toys, quiet down, and stop arguing and then you take them outside to play, what will happen when you yell at one of them to stop when they start running into the street to get their ball that rolled away?  Well, my guess is that if they’re so used to hearing you yell all the time, they likely won’t put much thought into the sound of urgency in your voice.

This all sort of tied into a previous post I wrote here about why I refuse to use the “You have until the count of 3…” method.  I try to be consistent about the tone I use when communicating with my children, but since I’m human (and therefore seriously flawed), this was a good reminder to me to watch what I say.  And as if reading that post wasn’t enough to get this reminder across to me, God seemed to drive home the importance of this lesson.  You see, just as I started typing this post, my toddler just about stuck her hand in my very hot coffee.  Of course, I had to yell at her to stop so she wouldn’t burn her itty, bitty fingers.  Did she sense the urgency in my voice because she rarely hears it?  Yes, to an extent.  But there’s definitely room for improvement.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.   ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self,   the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  I Peter 3:3,4

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Recently my mom and I were having a conversation about children and manners…or the lack thereof.  In one of my previous posts, I talked about how I require my children to reply with “yes, ma’am”  as a sign of acknowledgement when I talk to them.  I was sharing with my mom about how I’ve actually been made fun of for having my children respond this way.  As if I’m being far too rigid with them.

But, on the other hand, I don’t always require my children to address adults as “Mr. ___________” or “Mrs. ___________”.  I’m sure this is in part due to the fact that I don’t like being called “Mrs.______________”.  It feels too old.  Or, when I do try to introduce my children to some adults, I’m corrected and told that my children can call them by their first name.  It’s often very confusing trying to explain to my children when they should or shouldn’t refer to an adult by their first name.

I started teaching Sunday School and Wednesday night church classes when I was still in high school.  Being that I was so young, my students would often address me as “Miss (first name here)”.  Well, that seemed to stick even as I was teaching well after getting married.

So, it seems to me that when it comes to having children address adults with the proper name (and respect, I believe), this seems to be a sort of lost art among our generation.

So what are your thoughts?  Do you require your children to use “Mr.” and “Mrs.” or are you more relaxed?  And do you prefer children to address you in a certain way?  Why or why not?

I can’t help but think that maybe if we required our children to do just this then maybe that would help fix what seems to be a growing problem with our youth in regards to blatant disrespect for authority.  It certainly wouldn’t be the total means to doing so, but maybe it’d be a start.

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Yesterday I was humbled to know that my husband and I (and our children) are the benefactors of one such prayer warrior.  My husband’s aunt was visiting us from another state.  We rarely see his aunt and uncle…only a few times in the past 10 years, actually.  However, since they’ll be moving across the world shortly, his aunt wanted to come out and see everyone before they left.  I’ve always held a certain fondness of her even though I don’t know her particularly well.  She’s warm, inviting, and quite humorous.  And the few times I’ve seen her, she welcomes me with a gigantic hug like we’ve been family forever.

As she was visiting, she was telling me how our youngest daughter shares the same name as her mother-in-law.  She then proceeded to tell me that her mother-in-law prays for us every day.  She will call my husband’s aunt regularly asking how we’re doing or to inform her that we had been on her mind more than usual so she was praying for us even more.  Wow.  I was in awe.  Now, to make this clear…this is my husband’s aunt’s mother-in-law who lives on the other side of the world praying for a young family she’s never met.  How often do I spend time praying for people I’m close with let alone people I’ve never met but only know of?  And yet she regularly prays for us.  And many others, too.  She’s constantly in prayer and lifting others up to our Heavenly Father.

Hearing about this wonderful woman just humbles my heart and inspires me to be in such a sacrificial place in my life that I regularly am thinking of others and offering them up in prayer.  May all of us who call ourselves followers of Christ be spurred on by the example of this woman.  She’s a rare gem and there should be more people out there like her.

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Doesn’t so much of this ring true for so many women?  Every day I strive to be the best that I can be.  And at the end of every day, I’m humbled to my knees knowing I can try until my body and my mind fail me, but without Him I can do nothing, have nothing,  am nothing.

That doesn’t mean that I won’t continue to try, though.  God’s Word is filled with verses about doing everything to the best of your ability.  Give it your all for the sake of His glory, not ours.  And many times, I’m faced with the stark realization that I can’t do it all and it’s only through His grace and mercy that I get to go to sleep and start fresh the next morning…and the morning after that…and the morning after that.  And sometimes I get to see my effort pay off.   During those times my heart is filled with gratitude that God has given me the strength, wisdom, insight, and whatever other gift he bestows on me to accomplish what it is I’ve set out to accomplish.

I try to wear every hat that I think a good wife and mother should wear.  I try to cook, clean, teach, listen and love my way through this role that I’m in.  Being a wife and mother requires us to wear many hats.  It’s challenging, it’s difficult, it’s humbling.  But above all, it’s rewarding.

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I came across this journal entry I did about 3 years ago.  As I read it today it spoke volumes to my heart about how our entire life is a process of learning, growing and evolving.  And this had just the right amount of my heart where I feel safe sharing it with you.

Welcome to my vulnerability…

Who/What am I?

- I am flawed.
- I am lonely.
- I am determined.
- I am inspired.
- I am impatient.
- I am a student at heart.
- I am health conscious but not “healthy”.
- I am heartbroken.
- I am a fighter.
- I am stubborn.
- I am overwhelmed.
- I am confused.
- I am seeking.
- I am bored.
- I am busy.
- I am an outsider.
- I am regretful.
- I am sentimental.
- I am distant.
- I am broken.
- I am lost.
- I am evolving.
- I am a dreamer.

Who/What do I want to become…
- I want to be confident.
- I want to be secure.
- I want to feel loved.
- I want to be healthy.
- I want to be minimalist.
- I want to be knowledgeable.
- I want to be nurturing.
- I want to be selfless.
- I want to be disciplined.
- I want to be happy.
- I want to be effective.
- I want to be useful.
- I want to be inspiring.
- I want to be gentle.
- I want to be humble.
- I want to be patient.
- I want to be a prophet.
- I want to be connected.
- I want to be content.
- I want to be valuable.

What can I do to get there?
- I can always talk in love.
- I can appreciate life every day.
- I can set a routine and stick to it.
- I can minimize my “things”.
- I can say “no” when I should.
- I can spend time DAILY in the Word.
- I can reach out instead of waiting to be reached out to.
- I can trust that God’s love is enough.
- I can give….time/money/love/encouragement
- I can listen instead of speak.

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Well, we’re going on over a month now of having a family schedule and I have to say…it’s working! So, I thought I’d offer what I’ve learned through this process.

1.  YOU MUST BE DILIGENT

Before you can even begin to expect your husband or your children to follow through with a newly laid out plan for your family, YOU have to be the one to take the first step and show discipline in sticking to your goals.  If you slack then the whole system will collapse around you.  If you let the dishes pile up after dinner and leave them overnight then you’re already starting off the next morning on the wrong track.  You’ll be working on yesterday’s chores instead of those you have planned for today.  So, as much as you don’t want to, push through and accomplish your goals.

2.  DEAL WITH DISCIPLINE ISSUES

If your children don’t obey you (and obey immediately) or if they have a tendency to argue, complain, or question then you’ll need to put more focus on their attitudes and behaviors than the actual chores/tasks on the schedule for the first few weeks.  If you remain consistent it won’t take much time at all for your child/ren to understand that you are serious.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Once you’ve dealt with behaviour issues then the schedule should be fairly easy to follow.

3.  TACKLE BIG PROJECTS AHEAD OF TIME

If you want to stay on top of your laundry but your closets are a mess… take time out to organize them before you start your schedule.  If you want your kids to put away their toys right when they’re done with them but they have toys in every nook and cranny in your house…spend a weekend de-cluttering and organizing toys by category into different containers.  If you tackle the big projects ahead of time then they won’t interfere with the day to day running of your household.  My big project right now that I want to get cleared up to make my day even smoother is to get the remainder of the children’s lesson plans typed up on the computer.  Currently I spend about 15 minutes every morning typing and printing them.  I’d like to have that extra 15 minutes for something else, though, so I plan on devoting time this weekend to finish up the lesson plans.  By doing this, my mornings will have one less thing on my to-do list.

4.  ALLOW SUFFICIENT TIME

I’m a very structured person.  I like to know exactly what’s going to happen and what I need to do to make it happen.  However, as much as I’ve tried to keep our family on a military-style schedule, this just simply isn’t possible with little ones.  Now, when I say little ones, I mean ages 2 (maybe 3) and under.  Babies and toddlers are extremely unpredictable.  You never know when the baby will need to eat or when your toddler will need a new diaper.  And as a side note, I don’t believe at all that a toddler’s temper-tantrum should disrupt your family life.  If it does, then you have disciplinary issues that need to be dealt with.  So, what I’ve found best is to set a relatively loose schedule.  And by this, I mean, if you have activities at home, don’t try to schedule them to the dot.  Have certain “must-have” situations that are non-negotiable and then have the little stuff just fall into a loose time-line.

For me, this looks something like this:  I don’t wake my children up at any certain time.  However, since they’re early risers, they know they have to do their chores before coming up for breakfast.  And depending on how hard they work to get their chores done, they may or may not have time to play before school starts at 8:00.  I don’t mind what order they do their schoolwork in, but they know they have to accomplish all of their work except phonics, math, and reading before they can have a break.  This way, they know that they have to work hard to get a break.  Break isn’t something that just happens at 10:00 regardless of how much or how little they’ve accomplished.  If they want play time before lunch then they can work for it.  We have lunch and dinner at the same time every day with our afternoons a little more flexible.  Once again, school time being determined by how much effort they put into it.  It could last for an hour or all afternoon.  It’s really up to them.  So, by having set times for certain things (like school starting and meals), I’m still teaching them the importance of watching the clock and managing their time (something homeschooled families should focus on since they will be necessary life-skills later in life) but I’m still allowing flexibility in the day for the unexpected situations that may arise.

5.  DON’T ALLOW YOURSELVES “DAYS OFF”

Ok, this one may seem a bit harsh, but in actuality you’re really doing your children (and yourself) a favor in the long run if you maintain a schedule even during the off-days.  While our schedule isn’t as rigid on the weekend and we’re still working on getting our Sunday mornings to run as smoothly as the rest of the week, we still require the children to do their chores on the weekends and I still try to keep up my diligence in getting the housework done in a timely fashion.  All it takes is one “lazy” day to cause havoc on your schedule.  So, let’s say that you don’t keep up on laundry over the weekend or you don’t make the kids clean up their rooms Sunday night before bed…what do you think will happen to your schedule come Monday morning?  Do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today.  And if you know you’re going to need some down time come the weekend, then prepare ahead for that.  Plan a crock pot meal ahead of time if you don’t want to cook.  Use paper plates if you really don’t want to do dishes.  It sounds silly, but plan ahead for those things.  I guarantee you’ll be able to enjoy them even more when you don’t have nagging thoughts of housework interrupting what should be a relaxing time.

Having a schedule and being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom isn’t impossible.  I’ve read some women who do structure their schedules in such a way that every minute seems to be accounted for.  So, it is possible.  I feel like for our family, we’ve found a good balance of structure and flexibility.  Our days have a certain rhythm and flow to them.  Everyone knows what’s expected of them.  Our responsibilities get taken care of, our goals accomplished (most of the time!), and we have more time together for fun family time because little chores that are taken care of daily are easier than chores that are neglected for longer periods of time.  And not to mention, having last-minute company doesn’t stress me out like it used to because I know we can go into a quick 10 minute cleaning mode and the house will look presentable.  Plus, we have the very important learning factor for our children.  We are teaching them responsibility, cause and effect, time management, and other life skills about day to day living.  The efforts are well worth the rewards.

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- Watch out! Man Eating Snake (Patricia Reilly Giff)

- I Can Read About Spiders (Deborah Merrians)

- All Dads on Deck (Judy Delton)

- The Adventures of Pinocchio (C. Collodi)

- Wise Grandma Duck

- The Rescuers Down Under

- The Prince and the Pauper

- In the Beginning (Maxine Nodel)

- Pee Wees on Skis (Judy Delton)

- The Mystery of the Blue Ring (Patricia Reilly Giff)

- Grumpy Pumpkins (Judy Delton)

- 50 Great States

- Sky Babies (Judy Delton)

- Camp Ghost-Away (Judy Delton)

- Bad Bad Bunnies (Judy Delton)

- A Pee Wee Christmas (Judy Delton)

- Lucky Dog Days (Judy Delton)

- That Mushy Stuff (Judy Delton)

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So, soon after we found out we were expecting last summer, I did some research and found a Christian midwife who lived in the next town over. Having a midwife close was an absolute necessity for us since we did not want to travel down the route of unassisted childbirth. We had our consultation with her and signed us up for what would turn out to be quite the ride!

Fast-forward to the end of my pregnancy. My husband and I had made the decision to move a few hours away so he could work for my dad who owns a couple businesses. After years of him making his living as a truck driver, we were both ready for some serious change. God had orchestrated everything in such an outstanding way that it was blaringly obvious this was the route we should take. We had some flexibility about when we wanted to move since my husband would be working for family and the people who would be renting our house could move in at essentially any date we chose. Moving pre-baby was not an option since we desperately wanted a homebirth and wouldn’t be able to use my midwife once we moved. And I really did not want to move too much longer after having the baby since I was so tired of playing “single mom” while he was out of town for days, if not weeks, at a time working as a truck driver. So, the obvious answer to us was to move the month after I was due. Actually, the plan was to move less than a week after I was due, but since I have never seen my due date with any of my other children, I expected us to have at least a couple weeks between birth and moving day.

Well, my due date came…and went. Thank God (quite literally) for family who helped out in such a tremendous way. My mom was so gracious as to come stay with me for 2 weeks and helped pack up my house, clean as much as she could, and care for the other children when I was feeling tired or just plain frazzled about the timing of it all.

The day of my due date (a Friday) she decided to head back home and give our family some time alone before the baby came. We were wondering if the stress of feeling like I was on a strict time-constraint was delaying labor and figured I just needed to do my best to forget about the entire thing. So, we spent the weekend together as a family but by the time Sunday rolled around, and still no baby, I called my midwife and told her I wanted to induce. That decision was so difficult for me because I really wanted the labor and delivery to progress in the way God saw fit and deciding to induce seemed like I was trying to control what wasn’t mine to control.

My midwife reluctantly agreed and told me to take some castor oil the next morning (Monday) around 8:00 and then she’d be over within a couple hours to monitor and do some other things if necessary.

Well, Monday morning I woke up around 4:00 and just laid my heart out before the Lord asking him to intervene if I wasn’t supposed to give birth through induction. It may sound funny to ask God to not let the induction work, but if there was a reason that baby was taking its time then I didn’t want to force the birth if that sweet little baby wasn’t ready and so I asked God to make the induction fail if that was the case. I fell back asleep around 5:00. I remember tossing and turning a few times and then at 6:00 I woke up to one massive contraction. I sat up on the couch and timed another few contractions (only 2-3 minutes apart). Then I decided to wake up my husband. Thankfully, we had sent our kids over to my in-laws house the day before since we were planning an induction. I told my husband about my contractions and asked him to sit outside the bathroom while I took a shower in case this was really labor. With such fast labors in my past, I did not want to be alone at all. By the time I got out of the shower, the contractions were getting stronger and closer. So much so that I was having to focus my breathing just to get through them. After some serious begging from my husband, we called the midwife.

She rushed right over and was there within 15 minutes. Her and my husband rushed to get the birthing tub set up and I wandered aimlessly around the living room leaning against the walls every time a contraction would wash over me. The pain was getting so intense so fast. With the tub not quite filled, I got in and the relief was amazing. It certainly didn’t take away the pain, but instead it seemed to dull it. What felt the best was when we decided to fill it up completely after the water had cooled down some. Rather than just sticking the hose in the tub, my husband held it over my back and let the warm water cascade down.

I moved from the tub to the shower then back to the tub again feeling an overwhelming fatigue washing over me. The baby had been flopping around during the weeks prior to the birth and couldn’t seem to make up her mind whether she wanted to be face down or facing my side. But during the birth she decided to do a full rotation to get into position which was such an intense experience to go through for me. Every move seemed to be magnified and I could feel every turn she made.

I’m normally a relatively quite person in day to day life but as I was in labor, I had to scream just to alleviate the pressure that was mounting in my body. When the time came for our little one to make her grand appearance into the world, I was in the tub. After just a couple pushes, her head was out. The plan was for the girl who was training with my midwife to deliver the baby, but shortly after the head was out she recognized that something was wrong and she wouldn’t be able to manage the situation. Apparently during all the baby’s turning, her shoulders went from being bent forward (as is typical during birth) to being spread open. This caused her shoulders to become lodged. So, after pushing the head out in the birthing tub, my midwife had me get out of the tub and onto the bed. This task seemed an impossible one when she mentioned it and I though for sure she had lost her mind. However, I knew there was urgency in her voice so somehow I managed to climb out of the tub and onto the bed. She had me get onto my hand and knees with one leg forward. She called it her “runners start” position. Thankfully, right at the beginning of labor she had gone over a quick lesson in what she means if she says to get into that position. Then after I was in that position she had to dislodge the baby’s shoulders. This meant her hand was completely inside prying the baby’s shoulders loose. I have never screamed so loud in my entire life. I just wanted her to stop and was begging for it to end. Thankfully, the ordeal only lasted a couple minutes. In fact, total pushing time from start to finish was only 13 minutes…but it felt like an eternity.

And with all that we welcomed our third little girl…7 lbs, 13 oz… into our family. I collapsed down onto my bed and watched as the midwives nervously checked out our little bundle of sweetness to make sure there were no broken bones. Apparently a broken arm or collarbone is typical when this situation arises. But our daughter had made her appearance into this world completely well and whole.

After snuggling and feeding my baby for a little while the midwives decided to check me. I was fully anticipating being torn to shreds after all of that drama. Especially since all previous 4 births of mine had resulted in tearing on top of episiotomies. But, to our amazement, I escaped with only a tiny tear that didn’t require stitches. Praise God!

The homebirth was nothing like I expected it to be. It was only 3 hours from start to finish and was intense the entire time. God’s grace was evident in every part of it…from my desires to go into labor naturally (labor started just 2 hours before we were planning on inducing) to my midwife’s training in getting the baby’s shoulders dislodged and every part between.

So, on a Monday morning we gave birth in our home to our 5th child…and on Thursday we moved. The entire process was one that was full of God’s grace and direction. In fact, because of His overwhelming grace we decided to give our daughter the middle name “Grace” as a reminder of His presence during this time in our life.

I haven’t quite processed the entire birth of our daughter and I have yet to look back at it with completely positive feelings. Even though I know God was there the entire time and I grew in my faith, I’m not sure I would want to do it again. As with most major life-changing events, I think it takes time to fully comprehend the life lessons learned and to fully know and embrace how those events have helped to shape and mold us into the people that God desires us to be. I don’t know how our only homebirth experience will affect our decision to have more children. All I know for now is that we feel very complete with the 5 children we have. And while we know having a homebirth was the right decision for us, we don’t necessarily want to do it again.

I do look forward to processing this event to its fullest and seeing God’s lessons unfold before me. I embrace the difficulties he lays before us for it is through those times that our faith is tested and proven. And my homebirth experience was one of those testing times for me. And even though it was difficult, I embrace it and am grateful for it.

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- Moore McGuffey 1st Reader (William H. McGuffey)
- Moore McGuffey 2nd Reader (William H. McGuffey)
- The Complete Adventures of Peter Rabbit (Beatrix Potter)

- Let’s Celebrate God’s Blessings on Thanksgiving (Lise Caldwell)

- Don’t Eat Too Much Turkey! (Miriam Cohen)

- Noah and the Ark (Maxine Nodel)

- Peanut-Butter Pilgrims (Judy Delton)

- Grumpy Pumpkins (Judy Delton)

- Ooga-Booga Dinosaurs (Kathryn Knight)

- Whales – The Gentle Giants (Joyce Milton)

- …If You Sailed On the Mayflower (Ann McGovern)

- Mrs. Beaver and the Wolf at the Door (Christopher A. Lane)

- Tree Forts and Trumpets (Ann Hibbard)

- The Mystery of the Blue Ring (Patricia Reilly Giff)

- The Treasure Map (Robert Louis Stevenson)
- The Berenstein Bears and the Week at Grandma’s (Stan and Jan Berenstein)

- Amazing Otters (M. Barbara Brownell)

- Cookies and Crutches (Judy Delton)

As with my previous post, I’d love to hear must-have books that you keep in your homeschool “classroom”! Keep tuning in to see the third installment of our reading list for the 2nd grade…

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But, since I’m a homeschooling mom who is always searching out blogs and forums to see what other homeschoolers are doing, I really wanted to contribute and share what we’ve been doing around here.

So, today I’ll start with the books that our 2nd grade son (6 years old at the beginning of the school year) has read so far this school year. And forgive me if I don’t have the author’s name for all the books. There were a few that I forgot to write down. Also, please keep in mind that we have a huge assortment of books in our home library and I let the kids choose which book they want to read next so these books may seem somewhat random.

- Raptors – Birds of Prey
- Apes and Monkeys
- A Picture Book of Christopher Columbus (David A. Alder)

- 50 Great States
- Dinner at Alberta’s (Russell Hoban)

- Old Turtle’s Winter Games (Leonard Kessler)

- Back to School? Cool! (Suzy Spafford)
- Rowdy’s Big Day (Cindy Robertson Waters)

- Dance, Spider, Dance! (Robert Kraus)
- You Can’t Smell a Flower With Your Ear! (Joanna Cole)

- Days With Frog and Toad (Arnold Lobel)

- Frog and Toad Together (Arnold Lobel)

- A Lesson for Martin Luther King Jr. (Denise Lewis Patrick)

- Lionel at School (Stephen Krensky)

- The Double Dabble Surprise (Beverly Lewis)

- The Chicken Pox Panic (Beverly Lewis)

- The Midnight Mystery (Beverly Lewis)

- Backyard Bandit Mystery (Beverly Lewis)

These were the books that he read from the last week of August through the first week in October. Stay tuned for more posts that will finish up this list!

And what about you…what are some of your favorite books for your homeschool? I’d love to hear suggestions as it seems I’m always on the lookout for more materials to put in our ever-increasing library!

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